I am afraid that I am not afraid of flying

I hadn’t seen my dad for a few years, and after the quarantine, I felt the pressure to fly across the ocean to visit him in Barcelona. Not the best scenario for someone with a fear of flying!

Since I’m a hypnotist, I thought it would be a great idea to work on this phobia with a fellow hypnotist.

I was excited about the possibility of finally getting rid of this paralyzing fear. But the more I thought about it, the more I delayed signing up for a hypnosis session. Eventually, I started avoiding the idea of flying altogether.

Then, one day, after yet another question from my dad—“So, when are you coming to visit?”—I found myself thinking: If I get rid of my fear of flying, then I’ll actually end up flying. And if something goes wrong, I’ll be in a danger that I could have avoided! It seemed reckless to eliminate the fear of flying…

Wow! It wasn’t just the fear of flying that was keeping me from hitting the “book a session” button—it was the fear of not having the fear of flying! Because if I got rid of the fear, I’d actually fly, and then my mind had already painted a vivid picture of everything that could go wrong!

I noticed the same pattern of thinking when it came to my panic attacks. Most of my panic attacks were triggered by thoughts about my health or fear of ingesting something harmful—even regular food that I used to eat all the time. This fear led me to develop orthorexia for nearly two years.

For those unfamiliar, orthorexia is a medical condition in which the sufferer systematically avoids specific foods that they believe to be harmful.

Resolving my fear of eating would mean actually eating the food, and then—bam!—what if something went wrong? Unlike flying, which I could avoid thinking about for years, I couldn’t avoid thinking about food. I was stuck in a loop: I needed to eat, but I was afraid of eating. And I was also afraid of eliminating the fear because that would mean eating the foods I craved.

Realizing this pattern was a significant turning point for me. It helped me start breaking the cycle. I began reintroducing different foods into my diet slowly, allowing myself to eat more freely over time.

Finish this sentence to see if you have a fear of letting go of fear: "I am afraid that if I let go of my fear about this (insert word), then this (insert word) will happen."...

Thanks for reading and sharing this journey with me. Talk soon!

*The picture on the top of the page is me eating a multi- ingredient meal in Barcelona.